COMPASSION

– Terri Pellitteri, Editor- January 1998

Most of us have some idea of what this word means and would probably agree with the definition given in the American Heritage Dictionary, “The deep feeling of sharing the suffering of another, together with the inclination to give aid, or support, or to show mercy.”

Compassion is a uniquely human quality. It is made up of two words. ‘Co’ - meaning together, and ‘passion’ - meaning a strong feeling. Some of the finest human qualities, such as sharing, readiness to give comfort, empathy, concern, and caring – are manifestations of compassion.

Almost any book that addresses healing after a loss writes about compassion, both for ourselves and for others. And it is very likely that most of us extend compassionate feelings to others on a fairly regular basis (especially those to whom we are close). I’m less sure how readily we extend compassion to ourselves.

…So this is what we’d like our readership to think about as we move through the ‘New Year’ –

How can we be more compassionate with ourselves? Where do we start?

I suspect each of us might have a slightly different answer. I’ve heard people talk about the importance of “forgiving” oneself or “giving up guilt.” Others talk about a “spiritual development” or being “empathetic to one’s own pain.”
For me, the origins of self compassion are in care and love. It requires being a partner with one’s self, and having a passion for one’s self. It also requires a ‘healing from the inside out.’

Surprisingly to some (myself included), being compassionate with ourselves does not necessarily take away the pain. At least not right away. If anything, it makes us more ‘available’ to our pain. It allows the pain to becomes a part of us and gives us the opportunity to nurture it.

Perhaps that’s how pain becomes more tolerable and how we begin to show a readiness to give ourselves comfort (and to receive it from others). It is quite possible that we can only share our suffering with others when we begin to feel it ourselves.

When I think about how I show compassion to the people I love, it is frequently through tears and touch. I hug them. I stroke them. I cry with them. Maybe that’s the place to start.

Imagine what you would do for your best friend, your lover, your child – and then do the same for yourself. Cry foryourself. Take yourself on a walk. …be patient. …be gentle. …be loving. Give yourself room to make mistakes. Give yourself time to heal. Be compassionate with yourself. It’s the start of a ‘New Year.’

SOS Newsletter Article, Mental Health Center of Dane County, Inc.