GOING BACK TO WORK AFTER THE SUICIDE OF A SON

– by Anonymous- SOS Newsletter, April 2001

The funeral rituals were over.  Friends continued to stop by, but the great outpouring of support we had experienced in the days following Steven’s suicide tapered off.  What next?  We were two working parents – a professor and a physician – and three surviving children – two in high school and one in grade school.

Friday morning, the day after the funeral, Steven’s father returned to his classrooms. Supportive colleagues were kept at arm’s length.  He would grieve privately and stoically over many years.

Monday morning, Steven’s mother returned to her clinic.  Many helpful staff understood and were protective, but it would be 18 months before she began to address the real grief, the anger, the “if only’s” with a therapist and support group.

The children, too, returned to school on Monday.  The eldest, a senior in high school, often arrived home “ill” in the middle of the day.  His brother, a sophomore in a boarding school, arrived back at his school with a bottle of vodka provided by an of-age friend. Not long after, we made a hurried trip to bring him home to try to deal with his distress.  The youngest, the most open emotionally, was able to talk about her grief, but only slowly over the weeks that followed. 

Now, 15 years later, it is apparent that each of us continues on a different path and the repercussions continue to echo in our lives.  Getting on with work and school provided structure in the midst of chaos – something to hang on to while the emotional turmoil whirled about us.

SOS Newsletter Article, Mental Health Center of Dane County, Inc.