RETURNING TO WORK

– by Darlene Woldt- April 2001

When my son Derek died in 1990 from suicide, I could not imagine surviving this loss, let alone a decision about returning to work.  Because Derek’s death was right after Thanksgiving, I knew I could not return to work until after Christmas.  I was off of work for the next six weeks. Those weeks at home gave me a chance to do some difficult grieving, reflect on the past 18 years with Derek, and to think about my future.  Did I want to return to work?  What would my co-workers say, or wouldn’t they say anything? 

After being at the same company for 17 years, I was seriously thinking about resigning and finding new employment, with new co-workers, and in a new environment.  It sounded so easy.  But I made the decision to return to work at the same company on January 3rd.  After being home for six weeks, I thought it would be good for me to get back to the “real world.”

That first day I was so nervous.  I was greeted at my office by a good friend who gave me the hug I needed.  When my supervisor arrived (and also gave me a hug) her first words were, "let me know if you need more time off.”  I know from talking to other bereaved parents this reaction was unique.  Too many parents have 3-5 days off after the death of a child & then they are expected to return 100%.

Being with people who cared was the answer for some of my anguish.  But then I had to get in the car and hear a special song on the radio, or go home to a house full of memories.  That first year was very difficult. But with the support of a caring husband, three wonderful children, and very special co-workers, I survived.  It has now been 10 years.  I still remember the feelings of despair and anxiety when I left the house to go back to work that cold January.  But through it all, I have also learned the importance of helping others (friends, co-workers or strangers) with their own difficult situations.  There is a saying, “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves,” 

I hope those who helped me, feel the sunshine shining on them today.

SOS Newsletter Article, Mental Health Center of Dane County, Inc.