SUICIDE – What You May Want To Know

SOS Newsletter Article, Mental Health Center of Dane County, Inc. - July 1995

Many survivors express the anguished thought ,"…If only I had known then, what I know now…" or "If only someone had told me what to look for, I might have done something different…" In addition, we find that friends, who are concerned that a loved one might be suicidal, now turn to us for advice, because we've "been through it."
What follows are some suggestions which represent current thinking on the most effective way to respond to individuals who may be suicidal. These "pointers" are NOT intended to cast blame or to add to your guilt. Rather, they are a resource for the future, should you need them.

WHAT to DO

• Show concern.

• Ask questions in a calm and straightforward manner.

Are you thinking of suicide? Have you thought about how you would do it? Do you have the means (gun, pills, etc.) available to you? Have you thought about when you would do it? How likely is it that you will act on your suicidal thoughts? Soon?

Remember, the more detailed the plan, the higher the risk.

• Ask what's going on in his/her life that has led to these feelings about wanting to die. Home situation-relationship with parents/spouse? Relationships with friends/lovers? Problems at work/school? Other things too difficult to talk about?

• Ask about the feelings associated with these areas.

• Ask if he/she has talked to anyone else about the problems and about the suicidal thoughts.

• Convey your belief that there are alternatives to suicide and your conviction that talking to a counselor will help.

• Stay involved with the person. Encourage continued contact and the involvement of others –especially family members.

• Do not get caught in believing that you have to provide solutions to the problems presented. Remember that your concern, attention, and involvement are much more important than solutions.

• Get professional help involved. Let the suicidal person know that you don't feel comfortable being the only one who knows about it. Never promise to keep it a secret, even at the risk of your friend's/relative's anger.

WHAT NOT to do

• Do not say things like, "I don't want to hear you talking like that," Or "How could you want to kill yourself?" Or "That's a stupid thing to be thinking about." Etc. These responses will only make the person regret that they told you.

• Do not act shocked at what the person tells you, even though you may feel that way.

• Do not debate whether suicide is wrong or right. Do communicate that you don't want the person to commit suicide.

Remember that sometimes, despite our best efforts, people decide to take their own lives.